All the Single Ladies: Turkey

“Why your husband no come with you?” This has been the question repeated over and over again in nearly every country I’ve been in. “He has to work,” is my natural response and that typically shuts them up because they assume that I’m traipsing around the world on his dime and quite frankly, that takes bank! Well, I’m finally in Turkey and I’m excited that I no longer have to answer that question. Chad is here!

Here’s the thing, a female traveling the world alone can garner a lot of attention. There are the cab drivers that drive pass you making loud kissing sounds in the air. There’s the man who stares at you for seven full minutes and then follows you for four blocks trying to ask you out in English. There’s the hello kiss on both cheeks that abruptly moves to the mouth. Lastly, there’s the blatant disregard for your marital status – “It’s okay if we go out, I’m married too.” If I were single, I’d be feeling myself and having a ball, but I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still feeling myself, but all of this attention, day after day, can wear a sista out!

Chad’s cousin once said that when women cheat it’s because of emotional reasons; they aren’t getting something in their marriage. However, when men cheat it’s more likely because they saw something and figured, “Hey! I’ve never had that before.” Men are visual creatures and I knew before I left, that in Asia I’d be a walking “I’ve never had that before.” So, I wasn’t surprised by the attention as much as how forward men were.  I have never, never, never had so many men approach me so aggressively in my life. At first it was flattering, then it gave pause, and finally it became a “C’mon son! Really?” type of situation. 

In India, I finally stopped and asked a man who I had conducted business with a few times whether the exorbitant amount of attention was because I was “different”, because I was considered pretty in their culture, or because I was alone. “Well, it’s probably a little of all three, but I think it’s so bad because you are alone.” Talk about having the wind in your sails suddenly vacuumed out! I was beginning to think that the world couldn’t handle the cocoa brown, voluptuous, fine piece of architecture that is I, but apparently that wasn’t the case. Good thing I have a healthy self-esteem.

My friend explained that in much of Asia, especially India, women are not allowed to travel alone. I had heard this theory before in China from a student who declared that “We would never let our females travel by themselves! We care about our women!” (Crickets…”Um… Are you implying that no one cares about me?”) Even though I was familiar with this argument, the feminist in me had to push a little. “What do you mean by “allow”?” I asked my Indian friend. “Is it against the law?” He explained that it wasn’t against the law, but that even asking to do such a thing would bring shame onto the family and that that female may not be welcomed back to the family if she left. “So,” he continued, “you may be approached so much because you are being viewed as easy.” Comprehension… I’m not irresistible, just low hanging fruit. LOVELY (insert heavy sarcasm here)!

Needless to say, when Chad said that he would meet me in Turkey, I was happy that the one person who found me irresistible enough to marry me was coming out to see me after nearly four months apart. I was also happy to get a break from the men folk! It’s Europe and my husband is with me, this should be stress free. WRONG!!

Turkish men are bold AND smart; they wait until he leaves and then they approach. This is far more stressful than being alone for the sole reason that my husband is crazy, deranged.  Instead of laughing off or ignoring the strokes against my arm, the cheek to cheek kisses that are far too frequent and way too close to my mouth and the invites for Turkish coffee being whispered in my ear, now I’m begging dude to back up before my husband gets back. “Go!! Run for yo freedom!!” I want to say urgently like Harriet Tubman helping them to escape the possibility of torture. Mr. McKelvey does not suffer fools gladly and it should be apparent to anyone around that only a crazy dude would “allow” his wife to quit her job, cash in her retirement, and leave to travel the world by herself for a long period of time.

Funny, but the word “allow” keeps coming up when talking about marriage and its possibilities. It’s one of those words that I understand, but that simultaneously pisses me off. Again, the feminist in me wants to rear its head and say, “I’m a grown ass woman!”, but the wife in me understands that if my husband had been emphatic about his objections over my travel decisions, then this trip would have been dead in the water. I value my marriage as much as my passion for travel. So, did he “allow” me to go? Yes, but he views it more as “did he allow me to grow?”  The answer is still: Yes! 

This is the beautiful part about being in a relationship with someone who understands your personality and your dreams. Someone who would rather be viewed as un-traditional, then bind you to a traditional role that doesn’t quite fit. This is marriage on our terms. This is love. So, yeah, my husband is crazy! Crazy in love and I’m cool with that! As a matter of fact, I’m crazy too. (Ladies, please read deeply between the lines of that! I’m not a fighter, but I’m smart and ain’t nothing worse than a smart AND crazy, heffa! I’m just saying...)

But I digress…

Chad and I had did it up in Turkey; but, like my mother, it took a minute for him to get acclimated to this life. Give him credit though! At least he lasted one night in the hostel, before he booked a hotel! It was funny though because throughout Turkey, much like a bull in a china shop, he knocked over and ran into more things than I thought was possible. “Everything is so small here!” he kept saying. The funniest part was visiting the Turkish Hammam, which he absolutely did not want to do once he found out that only men bathed you. “I’m going to hurt somebody if they touch the wrong thing!” After forty minutes of sweating, while lying on a heated slab, he couldn’t wait to be bathed and finally admitted that he enjoyed the experience.

We also enjoyed seeing Hagia Sophia, the Blue Mosque, and shopping at the Grand Bazaar, where Mr. McKelvey said “no” to absolutely anything with too much color. “Where are you going to where that in New York?!!” Hater... We spent ample time walking around Taksim and Sultanamet, talking and eating and visiting museums like the MOMA. However, we missed visiting Toppaki Palace as I have now decided to head home at the end of the year, instead of the end of January and time is now a concern. Nevertheless, I had fun exploring Istanbul with my husband and know that the next few weeks are going to be very interesting indeed.