Big Size Madame

Cambodian Bell Hop: "Are you Filipino?"

Me: "No. Why do you ask? "
Cambodian Bell Hop: "Well, I have this friend. She's Filipino and her hair is like you, her skin is like you, and she BIG like you too."

I’m convinced that people in Asia don’t have a filter when it comes to issues that westerners may deem sensitive. They have no qualms about getting all in your business (i.e. "Why you no have kids now? Why your husband not come?"), but to me it's hilarious when they start talking about your weight so freely and in front of you. Whether it’s my Japanese sister-in-law’s father explaining why I didn’t like bungy jumping (“You’re much heavier, so you fall faster!”) or the Thai retailers trying to get your attention as you pass their store (“Big Size, Madame! We have big size!”), I’m almost positive that weight sensitivity is not something they think about. With that said, I had to post about my shopping foray in Thailand.

People everywhere at Chatuchak Market.

Let me first say that Thailand is a shopper’s paradise! I purchased A LOT of stuff and have had to send home five shipments already. This wasn’t the plan, but it’s really difficult to pass up such great deals on really fantastic pieces; especially at the Chatuchak Market, which is held on the weekends. I’ve purchased handmade, custom cowboy boots (don’t ask!), handmade quilts and pillow coverings, a few items of clothing tailor made to fit, too many shoes to count, and a number of things for my husband and family. I even purchased a pair of harem pants, which seem to be all the rage in just about every country, but I doubt I will EVER wear them when I get back to the states. I like them, but I keep catching myself singing “You can’t touch this!” and doing the shoulder part of that MC Hammer dance. Whatever the case, I’m having a ball wandering through markets and bargaining for just about everything.

I designed it! They beaded it, while I waited!

Now, what I didn’t plan for was the need to purchase new bras. I mean, I knew I would lose weight while travelling and it made sense that I would need a few things to offset that, but who thinks about buying new bras while traveling around the world. Well, I should have because so far I’ve lost 7.5kg since my bungy weigh-in in Japan. Funny thing is that 7.5kg really didn’t mean anything until I actually started doing the conversion in my head. 2.2 lbs. for every kg… ok, carry the 1… Holy crap! That’s 16 lbs.! What?!

 “Break it down. Stop… Hammer Time!”

(Yes, I was really doing the MC Hammer dance this time.)

No wonder my current bra was starting to fit like a jheri curl cap; just baggy! With goodness and mercy following me all the days of my life, I can pretty much judge a cup size from a mile away. So I knew the moment I walked into the lingerie department that I was screwed. I started to turn around and then the lady saw me, “Come! We have big size, Madame.” If my eastern kin folk knew how much of a turn off it is to hear that yelled out in public, I think they would reconsider. She might as well yell, “Hey fat girl! I got what you need,” lick her lips, and swirl her hips. Totally turned off!  But I digress…Thinking that maybe she really did have what I need; I figured I’d give it a try.

The markets sell EVERYTHING! Need a door knocker?

Her: “What size, Madame?”

Me: “Do you have a conversion size chart? I only know the U.S standard sizes.”

Her: “Huh?”

Let’s try this another way…

Me: Can you measure?

Her: Oh yes!

She pulled out the measuring tape and I could see her eyes as she continued to unroll it past a rubber banded part which they had probably never used. Her reaction to my cup size, clarified what I already knew, but by now this had become funny to me. “Yep. I got your big size madam right here!” I actually wanted to shimmy in her face, just to shock her and pull her out of her boob trance; but I was reserved.

By the end of the day, I had gone to six different department stores and still no luck. I finally went home and did some research on places that sold western sizes and finally struck gold: Chatuchak Market! I literally couldn't go back there without putting a muzzle on my visa, but that's not the moral of this story. The moral of this story is that if you are traveling long term, don’t pack too rigidly. You’re bound to purchase more than expected. Secondly, this type of travel is better than a crack diet any day! Pack spandex or adjustable clothing!

Vintage shoes from Afghanistan.

More scarves than I know what to do with.

Food at every turn. How did I lose weight?!