I LOVE MF: JAPAN

Yesterday, my sister-in-law, Miki, and I went to Mother Farm in Futtsu, Japan, which is in the Chiba prefecture.  Mother Farm is an amusement park/farm where urbanites and children can learn to pick fruit properly, milk a cow, do crafts, and pet or ride animals. There are also a host of shows and amusement rides like a giant Ferris Wheel, a roller coaster and bungy jumping. I found this place on the internet and told my sister-in-law, who is such a city girl, and she found an all-inclusive rate for us. The round-trip ferry ticket between Chiba and Yokohama, a round trip bus ride from the port to the park, and park entry all cost 3,300 Yen (approx. $40). Oh, and you get a free gift!

So, we get to the park and go to pick up our free gift and it’s a coaster that says “I LOVE MF”, written in the same vein as the I Heart NY t-shirts; except for them MF is Mother Farm. Having such an appreciation for low humor, I immediately ask for a T-Shirt because low and behold, I love MFs too! They had no t-shirts, but the fact that they printed these coasters and the fact that I had to explain the joke to Miki, lead me to believe that they probably didn’t get many American tourist up there. If this were a movie, then this little language hiccup would have been MAJOR foreshadowing for a later event…  

Alas this is not a movie, so we proceeded to the rest of the park.

I milked this cow!

Throughout the day, we watched children racing pigs, we milked a cow, we watched a dog and sheep show and we ate Japanese curry and fresh chocolate parfaits. We had a really great time, but the event that took the cake was the Bungy Jumping.

Maybe I did it because I was still feeling high from my Hawaii trip, or maybe I did it because my sister-in-law kept repeating “You only live once! Life is short!” Whatever the reason, I am now certain of 2 things: 1) My foray into thrill seeking activities ended yesterday at Mothers Farm and 2) Never attempt a death defying activity when all of the instructions are written/spoken in a language you don’t know!

ME: “Miki, you go first so you can explain to me what we are supposed to do.”

MIKI: “Okay.”

Me and Miki making crafts!

Such a simple conversation, with such simple directions, was our method of getting around the language barrier. Miki listened, she jumped perfectly and she came bouncing back all amped. “You gotta do it! That was so fun! I’m still shaking, but I feel so free!”  She’s awesome and she’s brave and if she can do it, so can I!

MIKI: “Put your hands behind your head, lean forward and jump when they count down from 3.”

ME: “Okay.”

Such a simple conversation, with such simple directions, should have been our method of getting around the language barrier. BUT alas, this is not a movie!

Once I finally climbed up all of those steps and looked down, those directions and any stored up bravado I had, left me by myself with a 100lb Japanese instructor who spoke no English. And why should she?! It’s her country! I’m the idiot who decided to hurl my ass off a tower in a place where I don’t speak the language!!

Nah, I’m good… I immediately start shaking my head in the universal “no” move, in hopes that she will unclip me out of the harness and let me truly be free by way of the stairs. Instead the instructor keeps speaking to me in Japanese! After realizing that I REALLY don’t understand, she starts speaking lower and slower AND starts pulling my arm closer towards the edge. My left brain knows that she is saying “You’ll be fine. It’s okay. It’s easy. Take a breath and leap,” but my right brain hears “Bitch hurry up and jump!” Mentally, I’m preparing myself to fight this chick on this bungy platform! So in my head I’m thinking, “Pull my arm one more time…”

Then the countdown started…

If you ever want to know what REAL peer pressure is, then go bungy jumping.

 3…2…1… BUNGY!!!

I honestly don’t remember the initial drop because I think I had a Sybil moment up there, where I blacked out and switched to a different personality. But according to the video, I threw myself over the edge and let off an un-godly scream like someone had just crushed those gnarly balls I so lovingly grew in Hawaii. (Oh well… Easy come, easy go!) And I didn’t stop screaming until they lowered me unto the mat. Once down, the audience started clapping and people kept giving me thumbs up and saying, “Nice Bungy!” Looking brave, I accepted the congratulations in Japanese, “Arigatou gozaimasu,” but between you and me, I never have to do that again!