Grey Matter

As a black American, I generally move through life understanding that without knowing me, people usually see me as black first, female second, and then American. So, I in turn have learned to identify with my race first, my gender second, and my nationality last. Whether or not this is good or bad is neither here, nor there; it is what it is. However, I have travelled internationally before and recognize that although my race is often viewed as a novelty in many countries, more often than not I am viewed primarily as an American, period. So, without realizing it, at times I find myself defending our values, our motives, and our way of life whenever I get into heated conversations with someone from another country.

For me, this type of blind patriotism feels as odd as using the term “our” when describing anything American. We aren’t one big monolith of ideals, values, races, religions, cultures, ages, incomes etc. We are many, many shades of grey functioning in a media driven world that exploits only black and white. We are the spaces in between the text of history books that expound on the extremes.  

For some issues, I am more fired up. I am Alabama, “Audemus jura nostra defendere” (We dare defend our rights) or Massachusetts, “Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem” (By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty). While on other issues I am more laid back and willing to allow the issue to run its course. I am New Mexico, “Crescit eundo” (It grows as it goes) or Washington, “Al-ki” (By and by). Yet, most of the time I am hopeful, seeking a voice of understanding and compromise and grateful that I live in a country that allows me to seek a different voice. I am Rhode Island, “Hope.” I am Maryland, “Fatti maschii, parole femine” (Manly deeds, womanly words) and I am Kentucky, “Deo gratiam habeamus” (Let us be grateful to God). With all of these emotions and feelings balled tightly and wound into one person, I recognize that at the end of the day, I am ultimately Oregon, “Alis volat propriis” (She flies with her own wings); I am but one spec of gray on that spectrum of ideas known as the American way.

Do I consider myself an American? Absolutely! Do I consider myself an American who agrees with every domestic and international policy “we” have undertaken? Absolutely not!  So today, I would be remiss to say that with the death of Osama Bin Laden, my bravado has been shaken by the thought of travelling through a world even more polarized by increasing violence. I am praying even harder that people will see me and welcome me as an individual with various and changing thoughts and principles and that I, in turn, can open my ears, heart and mind and receive them in the same vein. And in light of the current political climate around the world, I pray that we all can recognize the shades of grey in each other and will come to grow and move like New York, “Excelsior” (Ever upward).